


Waking Ghosts

by RavenShira



Series: Whisps of Insanity [1]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, Gen, Hallucinations, Hatake Kakashi-centric, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sleep Deprivation, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Talking To Dead People
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-15
Updated: 2018-09-15
Packaged: 2019-07-12 03:22:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15986579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RavenShira/pseuds/RavenShira
Summary: Deep into depression and avoiding sleep where he can to escape the nightmares of killing Rin and seeing Obito die, Kakashi's world starts to crumble around him. The phrase 'I can see dead people' is something Kakashi knew would get him thrown into a padded cell, which is why he keeps silent when ghosts start following him through the streets.When ghosts start to cook (badly) for you though, that's when you know you crossed the line.





	Waking Ghosts

Kakashi stared at the wall. It was blank, as it always was and yet it felt... cathartic in a way, to simply do nothing. As if he could fade into nothingness, disappear...

  


It was much better than staring at his hands at least.

  


Recently promoted jonin and he already lost his teammates. Friend-killer Kakashi. Kakashi felt his mouth twitch unhappily, a frown forming on his brow before smoothing out again as he closed his eyes for a moment.

  


_Bloodstickywarmcopperfamiliarbrownhairpurplemarkings_ _**scream** _ _-_

  


The silver-haired young man blinked at the ceiling, his voice stuck in his throat yet silenced. There was a clock ticking, the only sound in the silence of the apartment, if one didn't count Kakashi's own harsh breathing. There were muted and distant noises coming from the street, which Kakashi's heightened senses picked up on as if to spite himself. The world moved forward, when to him it felt as if everything had been frozen still by ice, drowned in the rain and blood as a clawed hand kept his heart in an iron-grip since he had ripped out Rin's. Maybe it was her clinging to him from the afterlife. A reminder. As if the blood on his hand wasn't enough, as if Kakashi couldn't feel her heart burst between his fingers like an overripe fruit every time he closed his eyes. The warmth of her blood seeping through his clothes, clinging to his skin. A shudder worked through Kakashi's body, though his face stayed impassive.

  


_Bloodonhisfaceherbrokenvoiceassheutteredhisname_ -

  


Kakashi struggled to lift his heavy lids again. He turned his head to look at the clock. It was morning. Once more he hadn't managed to get much sleep, too afraid to close his eyes with his demons so close.

  


It was an endeavour to just lift the blanket and drag himself out of the bed. Every movement lethargic and slow, as if his limbs were filled with lead trying to hold him down. Without looking at the mirror, Kakashi washed up quickly, movements quick and efficient. Another mission in his day. He spat the toothpaste into the basin and flinched when he caught sight of a flash of red, his sharingan picking up its mirror image easily. Kakashi’s hands gripped the basin so hard that he wondered why it didn't break, letting out a shaky sigh. He hated himself. Yet he lifted his eye again, just to look in the mirror and see the little bit of Obito staring back at him. A heart wrenching good morning.

  


He wasn't sure if he would ever get used to seeing that eye in his face. He didn't think that Obito knew how much it hurt to see it staring back from his own, emotionless face. He looked tired. Drawn in a way that even war and bloody missions hadn't managed to do to him before the disastrous mission, deep shadows burrowing themselves underneath his eyes and his skin shallow and paper-white.

A kindness in his last moments, but for Kakashi it would be a torture for a lifetime. A daily reminder that he was simply not good enough to keep his comrades safe. Proof that he deserved the name friend-killer. Proof of his failure to keep a promise.

He lowered his eyes, swallowing down bile with practiced ease and dried off his hands and face.

  


As if in a trance Kakashi stumbled back into the living room, past the boxes shoved against a wall with Obito's things and the mementos Rin had willed to him. He didn't know what to do with them, but couldn't bring himself to look through them or throw anything away. A look in the fridge showed yawning emptiness. Kakashi felt his shoulders droop, adding another mission to his day. It was the only way he currently got through everything. If it was a mission he had to do it. His equipment was laid out as always, straight lines and orderly piles. He dressed himself slowly in his armour and pulled up the mask, tightened the headband and headed out. The sun was bright, glaring down at him as if it wanted to burn him out of existence. Kakashi loathed it, tried to keep to the shadows and out of sight. He could hear the whispers around him. Some about the war, some about random topics, but there were also the snide comments about him, when he passed and they thought he wouldn't hear.

  


“Look at him... last of his team...!”

  


“Can't believe he's just walking aroun-”

  


“-killed his teammates!”

  


“-wonder who is next-”

  


“-hope _**I**_ never go on a mission with _him_.”

  


Passing the Uchiha in the street was the worst. Apart from comments of stolen eyes and him killing Obito to get one for himself, they continued to stare at him until he was out of sight. He knew they disliked him possessing one of their precious eyes. They would probably happily take it back, but Kakashi couldn't bring himself to hand that last piece of his team over. Not for anything.

  


But what he dreaded most was...

  


Rin standing at a stall, humming a melody that Kakashi was so keyed into that he couldn't help but turn around, only to see her turn into whips of smoke. He stared at the spot, stomach in knots and took a deep breath, continuing on his path. Her memory was everywhere.

  


He hated to be awake, where ghosts followed him through the streets.

  


He hadn't told anyone about the hallucinations he continued to have. He knew the cause. Sleep deprivation, as he had read up on, could cause vivid hallucinations. Kakashi was sure it would pass and rubbed a tired hand over his face. Once he got some more sleep, it would pass.

  


He wasn't sure if he looked forward to that, or if he wanted it to never end. The fear of forgetting Rin's and Obito's voice, of never seeing them again... it was tearing him apart. A few hours of missed sleep was nothing if he could avoid that fate. It made him clumsy, slow and he lost his perceptiveness though, which was unacceptable. In this state, he was more a liability than an asset.

  


He followed the familiar path to a store that was hidden in some back-alley, instead of going to the market that was brimming with civilians and shinobi alike. The less he interacted with people, the better and the more quickly he could return home. Missions should be done quickly and efficiently.

  


Movement that his sharingan easily picked up on from the shadows of an alleyway to his side made him look up, unable to ignore a possible threat. His gaze flicked over and his step faltered for half a second.

  


Obito stared back. Starved, injured, weak, looking back at him wearily, almost hatefully through one eye with scars forming around it, still mostly covered in bandages and wearing a dark cloak. His hair was scruffy and dirty. Kakashi felt his heart twist at the sight of him. How long had it taken for him to bleed out? How much pain had he endured? How scared had he been, blind and listening to the shifting rocks that buried him? He blinked, words stuck in his throat and Obito was gone. Another ghost that followed him, slowly driving him to the brink of insanity.

  


Kakashi put his shaking hands into his pockets, turned around and entered the store.

  


╮( ꒪౪꒪)╭

  


The first time Kakashi saw both Rin and Obito together, he wondered why they didn't interact with each other. They were standing side by side. Rin was watching Obito, as she used to do when she thought he couldn't see, and Obito was looking right back at Kakashi. Someone passed through his vision, jostling him as he passed and when Kakashi looked back Obito was gone and Rin was staring back, sad and accusatory.

  


In spite of himself and knowing that she wasn't really there, Kakashi slowly drifted over to her side, trying to seem interested in the stall next to her. He looked at the wares and stopped when his eyes fell on a red bracelet. He picked it up, turned it and swallowed hard. A look to the side showed empty air. She had left.

  


“Do you want to buy or what?” a sharp voice addressed him. Kakashi looked up at the suspicious stall-keeper and mutely shook his head.

  


“Then put that back and get going!” the man snapped, clearly irritated.

  


Kakashi carefully set the familiar-looking bracelet down. That day he didn't go to the shop. He turned around and went to the graveyard.

  


╮( ꒪౪꒪)╭

  


To his surprise, Obito was there as well. He startled, arms flailing and passing through Kakashi's chest, as Kakashi stepped up beside him. If it wasn't for that, Kakashi would have smiled at the silly but typical behaviour of his (former) teammate, but with the reminder of Obito's incorporeal form, Kakashi didn't feel anything but the void in him growing another inch. Obito was watching Kakashi with a weary, angry and slightly suspicious look as if Kakashi was able to do anything to him. Kakashi couldn't. Even if he wanted to. He wasn't real, after all.

 

Without saying anything, Kakashi bent down and carefully put the flowers in the vase next to Rin's grave. Ignoring the angry sound from next to him.

 

He stood back up again, his eyes tracing the name carved onto the stone. He didn't dare look at Obito, could almost feel the fury radiating off him and it was strange that he didn't shout at Kakashi. It was strange that he wasn't here. Maybe it was Kakashi's subconscious that was torturing him by summoning the spectres of his dead teammates. As if he didn't feel guilty enough.

 

“I failed her...” he finally muttered to Obito who stood silently at his side. His eyes burned, but he had no tears for the dead. Not anymore. He was too drained.

 

A sigh from his side, a tone so familiar and Kakashi had missed him, missed talking to him. Missed their spars and fights and even Obito being late. He missed his _friends_!

He looked up and was surprised to find his vision blurry as he stared at Obito's shape.

 

“And I failed you.” Kakashi whispered brokenly. He didn't apologize. There was nothing to forgive, because killing Rin was unforgivable. Letting Obito die was unforgivable.

 

Kakashi let his gaze drop back to the cold, hard stone. He blinked away the beginning of tears, emotions locked back behind impenetrable walls.

 

“I wish you weren't dead...” he muttered more to himself, voice rough but with longing in its tone. He stood there for hours on end, looking at the stone. Long after Obito disappeared from his sight. He wanted to lie down and crawl into a grave of his own, disappear and join the ones that left this plane before him. He felt... dead inside. It was only natural that he could see the dead around him.

 

If only he could take their place, he would gladly do it. They would do so much better than him, so much good in the world... Rin with her healing and Obito with his optimism.

 

Meanwhile Kakashi's hands were only good for destruction.

 

╮( ꒪౪꒪)╭

 

If it wasn't Rin, it was Obito. Sometimes both at the same times. Kakashi stared at his mirror-image and considered how long it would take for someone to find him if he simply filled the basin he was currently using to keep himself up to drown himself. Between missions was the worst time for Kakashi, not that being on missions was better. His new teammates kept a polite distance between them, eyeing him with distrust and Kakashi didn't feel comfortable enough to close his eyes when he wasn't sure they wouldn't stab him in the back. Minato kept dropping by, but he was called to the front-lines more and more often, coming back looking more worried each and every single time he saw Kakashi. Kakashi wondered why. He was eating the amount of food recommended to balance out his physical need due to his activity. And he even took the time off, when his superior officer demanded he take a break.

 

Maybe he was slightly chakra exhausted. Mostly because training himself into oblivion or unconsciousness was the only way to escape the nightmares. And the ghosts.

 

Kakashi splashed some water into his face. It didn't help him feel more awake.

 

╮( ꒪౪꒪)╭

 

He was on a training field, trying to work on using the sharingan with his chidori, hoping he could stop seeing Rin's face, blood dripping from her mouth if he only used it often enough on the training logs set up around the place. Obito was standing in the shadow of a tree, watching him silently. There was a bitterness in his face, scorn and disgust that was hard to bear whenever lightning crackled around Kakashi's fist, lighting up the training ground around Kakashi in eerie blue hues. The sun was slowly setting and Kakashi has been at it for hours, unable to fully use his technique. His lips were raw. He kept biting them to prevent any sound from escaping him whenever Rin suddenly appeared in front of him, a spectre to be killed by him, over and over. No matter if he was asleep or not.

 

He wasn't made to defend. He couldn't heal or keep the morale up. All he could do was destroy, that was his only ability and even that failed if he got the wrong person.

 

Kakashi wiped the sweat out of his eyes, vision swimming and limbs trembling.

 

“Not yet...” he whispered to himself and readied his stance.

 

Lightning crackled.

 

His vision blacked out.

 

╮( ꒪౪꒪)╭

 

Kakashi woke in his bed, unsure how he got here. Had he walked? Judging by his state, probably not.

 

“Finally awake?” Minato asked from the corner of the room, turning a page. Kakashi's gaze snapped to him, studying his sensei who was sitting in one of Kakashi's stools reading a book, but currently watching his student over the rim of the pages.

 

“Uhn.” Kakashi muttered in agreement, slowly heaving himself into a sitting position. He still felt weak.

 

“You can't continue doing this to yourself, Kakashi...” Minato sighed, putting the book away and standing up. He took a box from the table and brought it over to Kakashi, crouching in front of him.

 

“Eat up. You used almost all the chakra you had. I found you unconscious in the training grounds.”

 

A bento. Kakashi stared at the box in his lap. It wasn't time yet for that particular mission. But Minato looked at him as if he would spoon feed Kakashi if he decided to put the bento aside for later. Reluctantly Kakashi opened the bento and took up the pair of chopsticks Minato patiently held out to him. He wasn't really hungry. But then again, he hardly ever was these days.

 

He was just tired.

 

Listlessly he started to eat, the food tasting like ash in his mouth.

  
“Won't you tell me what is going on, Kakashi?” Minato pleaded, blue eyes full of concern. Kakashi felt guilty just for putting that expression on his teachers face.

 

“I...” How should he explain? How could he, without sounding crazy? Words were never Kakashi's strength.

 

Helplessly, he stared at his lap, trying to find a way to explain.

 

“I... have trouble sleeping...” He finally admitted in a quiet voice. It was as close to the truth as he dared to get, without expressing the real issues.

 

“I can see that...” Minato sighed, putting a hand on top of Kakashi's. He looked sad, regretful. Kakashi hated it.

 

“You will get through this. We can go to the doctors and-”  
  
“No!” Going to the doctor was the last place Kakashi wanted to go. His heart started to race, his hands becoming sweaty.

 

“I don't need a doctor.” He tried to say it in a calmer tone, but judging by Minato's frown he wasn't managing that entirely well.

 

“Kakashi... there is medication that can help you sleep.”

 

“I know.” Kakashi spat the words out bitterly.

 

“They also dull my senses.” He had been prescribed sleeping aids and anti-depressant pills before, after his father's suicide. Not only had they messed with his senses, but how could he react in time in case of an attack when he was that deeply asleep? When his abilities were impaired? How could he use them on missions when he needed to be ready on a short notice? How could he grow dependant on them, when he would have to go without them during such times?

 

That was a band-aid solution, Kakashi was well aware of that. He had chucked them into the waste before and he wouldn't even consider to take them this time around. He was fine.

 

“I'm okay.” He insisted a little desperately. He wouldn't take them. Minato looked at him and let out a heavy sigh. A warm hand ruffled Kakashi's hair, worry-lines edging around his teachers mouth and eyes.

 

“Alright.” He muttered, clearly unhappy.

 

“Then at least visit Kushina more often. She gets lonely, with me on missions so often. And I also would like to spend more time with you, whenever I'm in the village.”

 

Kakashi breathed out a sigh of relief and nodded.

  


╮( ꒪౪꒪)╭

  


Kakashi stared at the teapot on his table. For a moment he wondered if his teapot had died and he was seeing things, but touching it revealed it was still lukewarm and definitely present.

  


…

  


How had it gotten on the table? Its usual place was in the kitchen on a sideboard. Kakashi was just getting up from a nightmare, it was in the middle of the night and the lights were all turned off. His sleep-shirt was sweat soaked and he felt cold, hands icy from holding them underneath the water in the kitchen-sink.

  


… Maybe he sleepwalked? Made himself tea while still out of it? Or was there an intruder? Kakashi couldn't smell any stranger though...

  


Maybe he _was_ going insane. It felt like he was losing time, like he fell asleep and woke to some place different. It was a minor change to some, but for Kakashi it was as different as the size of a pebble and a mountain.

  


Feeling dizzy he sank into the chair. He pulled the teapot closer, cradling it for its little warmth, eyelids drooping. When he woke up it was with a shudder, eyes still seeing his hand break skin and bones, warmth cradling his hand as the pulsating organ was crushed and the whisper of his name in his ears.

  


The teapot shattered on the ground and Kakashi buried his head in his hands.

  


A glance at the clock when he got up to clean the mess he created revealed that only a quarter of an hour had passed.

  


╮( ꒪౪꒪)╭

 

Kakashi knew that getting close to the ghosts in his life and getting used to them being around wasn't a good sign of his mental health. But he couldn't help himself. It was so much easier to let them in than to push them away. For a strange reason, Obito was the one following him more than Rin. Kakashi didn't examine the reason as to why, simply accepting the company of the dead, because there was nothing else he could do. He couldn't sleep. He didn't want them to leave him entirely, like his father. They might not come back.

  


The first time Obito got close enough to talk, Kakashi couldn't help himself. He was standing in the store again, looking at the tomatoes and just...

  


“Tomatoes or carrots?” he had muttered in a rough voice, noting how strange it felt to be using it. He hadn't noticed that he mostly kept to silence these days. He didn't exactly expect an answer, but he still stared at Obito expectantly. Because he was there, and Kakashi... he didn't know what he expected. They were alone in the aisle, so at least nobody saw Kakashi staring at nothing while holding out carrots and tomatoes. He couldn't help but be surprised when Obito gave him a weird but worried look and pointed at the tomatoes . Who was Kakashi to deny the wisdom of the dead?

  


He took the tomatoes.

  


Later that night, Kakashi stared at the half-empty box of food he had stored away in the fridge, wondering if he had ate more than he remembered.

  


╮( ꒪౪꒪)╭

 

Obito and Rin continued to show up. They appeared at random times in random places, but Obito was mostly at the graveyard. He watched Kakashi like a hawk looked at its prey. Sometimes the ghosts felt so real, that Kakashi wasn’t quite sure if he hadn’t just imagined their deaths.

  


Once Kakashi had reached out to steady a tripping Rin walking beside him on instinct, only for his hand to pass though her without resistance, bringing him back down to face the cruel truth. He stared at his hand as if it betrayed him, bitterness leaving a sour taste in his mouth. Not even Gai could pull him out of his heavy thoughts as Kakashi passed him silently, his thoughts miles away as invisible blood dripped off his fingers to the ground, leaving a trail only for the dead to see. It was hard to accept they were dead, when Kakashi was still looking at their faces on a daily basis.  
  


Obito also kept appearing in his apartment, a place Kakashi didn't have many memories of him. He looked worn. The bandages had been removed and now openly displayed the scars and the empty eye-socket. Another reminder, or maybe Obito just wasn't as kind as Rin, not as forgiving.

  


“Why are you here...?” Kakashi had croaked out one night, looking at Obito sitting against the wall.

  


“I don't know...” Obito had answered. “Cursing you?” He didn't really sound like he was joking, but he didn't sound like he was entirely sure either.

  


“Doing a good job.” Kakashi muttered, eyes threatening to slip close. Obito's voice... it was good to hear, no matter what he said to Kakashi.

  


“You promised to protect her...” Obito sounded angry, but it was a tired sort of anger, as if even he didn't know how to keep that up anymore.

  


“I know...” Kakashi said, tearing his eyes away from his friend.

  


“I wish you hadn't pulled me out of the way of the boulder...” He admitted to the ceiling, not seeing the wide eye of his once-friend.

  


There was a heavy silence. Then Obito sighed, sounding about as exhausted as Kakashi felt.

  


“Sometimes I wish I hadn't either...”

  


Kakashi smiled bitterly. Obito rarely agreed with him.

  


╮( ꒪౪꒪)╭  
  


The smell of something burning woke Kakashi up from his short nap in the afternoon, back bowed over the table where he had cleaned up his weapons that were still strewn around him. He sat up quickly, looking around and finding his apartment empty. The stove was on and there was a pan on it that he couldn't remember placing there.

  


“What the hell?” he yelped and jumped up, rushing over to shut the stove off and drag the hot pan with.... Kakashi squinted at the cinders left but couldn't really tell what it was supposed to be.

  


He hadn't cooked. He had cleaned his weapons. It was impossible for him to have cooked. Wearily Kakashi gripped the kunai that he was still holding, his sharingan scanning through his apartment to see if there might be an invisible intruder. His heart thundered in his chest as his gaze swept through his apartment.

  


Nothing.

  


Kakashi rubbed a hand over his face, growling at himself. He pulled his mask down and bit his finger, went through the hand signs to summon Pakkun.

  


“Yo, Kakashi.” His pug greeted him casually. “You look like shit. And what is that smell??”  
  
Kakashi was still tense and his partner picked up on that without him having to say anything. Pakkun shook his fur, looking up at Kakashi in confusion. “Nothing out of place...” The pug admitted and only then Kakashi allowed himself to relax slightly.

  


“Thank you, Pakkun...” Kakashi said thickly. His movements became more sluggish as the adrenalin slowly subsided and his shoulders slumped. He leaned back against the wall and slid down under his pugs worried gaze.

  
“I'm sorry... I thought... I must have...” Kakashi wasn't sure what was happening anymore. One of his hands found its way into his hair, tugging on the strands in distress.

  


Maybe he was going crazy. Maybe he was doing things without even realizing anymore. Maybe he was dangerous. Maybe he should-

  


A small warm body prodded its way onto his lap where it curled up.

  


“That's fine. You can touch my paws.” Kakashi chuckled helplessly at his pugs demand. His hand carded through the fur, scratching in all the places Kakashi knew Pakkun secretly liked but didn't want to admit to. His left hindleg betrayed him though, twitching whenever Kakashi found one of his good spots. It was soothing. Pakkun used to sleep next to him, when he was a kid. He was thirteen now. He shouldn't need it anymore. He was an adult by law and had killed men a decade older than him...

  


He shouldn't need it, yet here he was, eyelids slowly dropping of their own accord. Kakashi still nodded off to the deep rumbling of Pakkun's voice and the feeling of a warm body and soft fur.

  


╮( ꒪౪꒪)╭

  


Embarrassing as it was, sleeping with Pakkun close was the best sleep he had in a long while. Even if it was only a few, short hours, Kakashi felt more awake and rested than... than the last few months together. Well enough that he took the mission with a feeling akin to interest for once, instead of numb indifference.

  


He should have known that the feeling wouldn't last. Despite the distrust shown to him, he had still not expected his teammates to simply leave him behind to face several older enemy ninja of jonin rank on his own while they made their escape. It hadn't been necessary. Together they could have easily fought them off.

  


On his own though? Kakashi blinked at the hospital ceiling and wondered how he still managed to cling to life, even when he had given up in the middle of the fight.

  


It was frightening. It wasn't planned and thinking back on it Kakashi didn't really want to die, but he had seen the enemy ninja come at him and his body had become still. Accepting fate, despite seeing the trajectory of the kunai as it got closer. His mind even considered how it would be a quick death, almost painless even if he let it hit _just right_. The utter calmness of the moment was what shook Kakashi now.

  


A second later there had been a huge drain on his chakra and the kunai disappeared, just before it would have lodged itself into his eye. Or maybe he had lost consciousness and had evaded it by chance? He couldn't clearly remember. His vision had faded out and the last thing he remembered was hitting the ground and screams-

  


Kakashi brushed a hand over his closed eye. Somehow, he had survived. Kakashi woke in a sea of blood, a bloody kunai still in his hand and bodies all around him. Had someone come for his rescue, or he had gone on a mad killing spree that he couldn't remember anymore and should turn himself in?

  


Had he really done this? Was he losing time while fighting now?  
  
But why hadn't they taken him back, or if they were enemies, why did they not captured him or steal Obito's eye?  
  


Nothing had made sense anymore as Kakashi gathered his things and some of the enemies supplies and scrolls that seemed useful before he started to stumble towards where he thought home was supposed to be. His vision faded in and out, chakra and physical exhaustion taking a toll on him. A patrol found him and brought him back to Konoha. By then Kakashi was already on the brink of being unconscious.

  


He blacked out when they entered the village. And now he was in the hospital.

  


And his thoughts continued to go back to the fight.

  


He... he had tried to... he had almost...!

  


Kakashi couldn't really wrap his mind around it. He never wanted to get to the point that he was following his father's footsteps, but there was a niggling thought that appeared again and again:

  


_Wouldn't it be better?_

  


Suddenly the sterile white room he was in seemed stifling. Carefully and quietly Kakashi heaved his body up and pulled the blankets away to swing his legs out of the bed. Standing up made him wobble for a second before he regained his balance. He snatched up his weapons and dressed himself mechanically, ignoring the soreness that still lingered in his limbs and the bite of several half-healed wounds covered in restricting bandages.

  


Without looking back, Kakashi fled from the hospital in the middle of the night. He didn't know where he wanted to go, but he found himself in front of the memorial anyways.

  


“Obito?” he asked in a whisper, voice shaking. He just... he needed someone. Real or not. His hand touched the cold stone, steadying himself.

  


He was going mad. Even considering coming to the dead for help was madness in itself.

  


“Please...” he mumbled, vision blurry and head spinning, his breathing out of control.

  


For once, there was nothing. No ghost appeared, no matter how long Kakashi waited and hoped.

  


Once the first rays of the sun appeared, Kakashi let his hand drop back to his side. His entire body felt cold, shivering uncontrollably.

  
Before the world could fully wake up, Kakashi lifted his hands, fingers forming seals and disappeared with a whirl of leaves.

  


╮( ꒪౪꒪)╭

  
He reappeared in his home. His eyes were drooping in exhaustion, body shivering from standing in the cold and his wounds aching in pulsating agony. His head throbbed and Kakashi... he was just done. He stumbled into his apartment, hardly looking around as he let his tanto drop to the floor carelessly. His kunai-holder followed and only when there was a startled movement near the kitchen-area did Kakashi stop to look up and see an equally surprised Obito staring back at him.

  


“You are here...” Kakashi sounded hoarse and disbelieving. His throat was sore.

  


“You really shouldn't be here.” Obito replied wide eyed and confused.

  


A teapot moving on his own. A kitchen-stove burning. Bodies littering the ground all around him and a ghost appearing. It was too much.

  


“Are you real?” Kakashi asked, already knowing it was silly to question a manifestation his own mind had most likely made up. It was insane.

  


But maybe... maybe someone had rescued him. Maybe that someone was Obito. Maybe he was real.

  


Kakashi stepped closer. Barely daring to believe, but everything in him wanted this to be real. If it wasn't though...

  


A trembling hand reached out, slowly, cautiously, to touch and confirm his suspicions.

  


He hesitated before making contact. He could feel the warmth radiating from a frozen Obito. It had to be real, right?

Taking a shaky breath Kakashi finally tried to press his fingers to Obito's pule-point on his wrist. His breath caught in anticipation and... his fingers passed through the mirage of his dead friend, hopes crumbling to dust.

  


“Not... real...” Kakashi choked out, becoming dizzy.

  


Not real. It wasn't real. A wounded sound clawed its way out of Kakashi's throat, more animalistic than human. Like a dog that had been abused for too long and just gave up, curling up on itself and accepting its fate.

  


Kakashi let his hand fall limply back to his side, swaying on his feet. He was so tired. So tired and he just wanted to lie down and not have to get up anymore. He wanted it to _**end**_.

  


A warm hand steadied him, startling him out of his downward spiral.

  


“You are such an idiot, sometimes, Bakashi.” Obito's voice was as rough as Kakashi's, but he was _**warm**_ and _**real**_. Not thinking about his next actions, Kakashi clung to Obito like a lifeline. He was drowning. He was drowning, and a sob tore itself out of him. Another followed, and Kakashi was shaking apart as Obito held him up.

 

They ended up sitting on the cold kitchen floor, Kakashi half sprawled over Obito as if he could physically pin him in place to make sure he never left him again.

 

Kakashi's hands were only good for destruction. But with Obito there, he could still strive to protect something.  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Belated for Kakashi Week 2018 Prompt: Ghosts
> 
> I have some ideas of sequels :D Interested in some follow up? Any requests? *rubs hands*
> 
> Still ill but slowly getting better.


End file.
